Are You A Better Mom Than Your Own Mother Was?

With Mother's Day to come to us… we might reflect on the type of mother, we are in relation to our own mothers, grandmothers. It May be difficult for some people to be honest about this.

Many people unconditionally reverence of their mothers. But for many people, in fact, 58% of those polled in a recent online survey to believe they are, in fact, better than their mothers own mother. Only 23% admitted that they are not better "Mom Dom." While the remaining 20% were still asked about the barrier.

Safe to say the overwhelming majority of respondents were most likely a fairly good relationship with their mother. So why would they think they are "better" to motherhood? One reason is that people create their own ideals, regardless of what others around them believe. If you May be strongly influenced by your family standards and models of deployment, you also have a network outside your family. These people also play a role in how you form your personal belief system. So, in essence, there are things that you were not, necessarily, raw or taught by your mother. The exact opposite May actually be true. Your beliefs May be totally at your mother.

Another factor in all our parenting skills is how we perceived our parents. If you believe that your mother was "perfect", then chances are, May still be perfect in your eyes and May you think you will never have the height. This is quite normal. For these people, their mother May be their hero, and his beliefs regarding the education of children take precedent. For me it was my grandmother, whom I have learned more about the care and love for a family.

Then there is a group that loves their mother, but only May follow his lead on some things. In time, opting for a "best practices". May they not consider themselves "better", and not even consider the competitiveness have contributed to establishing this kind of classification.

There are many reasons why some May feel better. Many of them had a better education opportunities than their mothers. Many of them have been afforded the benefits that their mother could not have dreamed of their age. Some believe that only their mother could never be as cool as they are, or as they think they are perceived by their children. May they feel they "understand" children better. It May some truth to this, however, your mother May have not wanted to have this kind of "friendly" relationship with you. Maybe she just wanted to be your mother, not your friend.

Who is really to say which is better? At the end of the day, those who think they are better must think about this ... You can not have been better if you never existed. Love your mother. For better or for worse, this wonderful woman helped make you who you are today. With Mother's Day coming up to us, remember mothers and women who have an influence in your life and honour for their efforts and love trying to be the best they could be in your life .

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Mardie Caldwell, C.O.A.P. is a Certified Open adoption, an award-winning author of 2 books adoption The adoption and adoption online: Your Step-by-Step Guide. Mardie is also the talk-show host of Let's Talk Adoption.com with Mardie Caldwell and the founder of Life Adoption in 1986. She travels and speaks nationally on the adoption of the themes, subjects of family, infertility and writing. She was quoted in and consultation for children and adoption magazines and has appeared on CNN, CBS, ABC, BBC, NBC and Fox. Quoted in Parade Magazine, Caldwell is an adoptive mother who live in northern California.

Spirited Single Moms

Although raising a child alone may not be ideal, it is an increasing reality. Some experts speculate that single moms now head half of all family homes. With the divorce rate around 50%, and more women making the choice to be single moms, they need positive role models, sound information and encouragement to make their home a stronghold of love to launch children into a lifetime of purpose and meaning. Successful Single Moms (SSM) have seven secrets for success:

1. Love is a Practice: SSM say I love you a lot, not only with words, but with actions and honesty. SSM show how to love life and do not traffic in self-pity. They honor their own dreams and those of the child. If the child wants to be a pilot, they get books from the library about planes, make paper planes and encourage the child's enthusiasm. Being a SSM is contagious.

2. Spirited Single Moms Grow Along with Their Children: They work hard on breaking destructive patterns from childhood. For example, if she grew up in a family of abuse, the SSM realizes she may be attracted to the wrong sort of friends and relationships, so she refuses to allow destructive people to become important in the lives of her children. Even if she struggles everyday with challenges, she learns to make positive life-affirming choices. If she has on-going problems with depression or anxiety she seeks help.

3. Spirited Single Moms Know the Difference between Pretenders & Partners: There are many men who are excellent and entertaining dates, but they are not marriage material. If possible, it is wise to wait to introduce the children to a date until Mom thinks he may be around for a while and has reason to believe he will treat her children with care. A good way to find out about potential for the future is by learning about the date's family history. If there has been abuse, cruelty, dishonesty, trouble with the law, etc, then these patterns are likely to repeat. SSM base their decisions on what is REAL about a potential mate and never marry "potential". Also, adults should both pledge that they will never marry someone that does not love the children, treating them with respect.

4. Spirited Single Moms Celebrate Life: Laughter is prosperity during hardship. Mother Theresa once said, “Our best protection is a joyful heart". Show your child how to celebrate. Children learn most from who we are and what we do, not what we say. Celebrate things considered "everyday," such as the first day of fall, a puppy, even new crayons. Celebrate one another on a daily basis by saying "gratefuls," things you are grateful for and "appreciations," things you appreciate about one another.

5. Spirited Single Moms Model Giving: It is a privilege and a joy to spend our lives giving love. SSM model this behavior by doing things like, surprising a teacher with cookies, making a card for an elderly neighbor, or taking time to complement a super employee at WAL-MART.

6. Spirited Single Moms Refrain from Bad-mouthing the Ex: They make every attempt to co-parent with the child's other parent, since the child's self esteem is founded on feeling loved. Pity parties are held in private, since children need to feel safe and cannot handle their parent's Big emotions. Tell your child, "I am so glad you were born" to help them feel important. Feeling positive reduces anxiety and children are better able to learn and explore. When you say an ex is "bad" it is like telling the young child that a part of him/her is bad also.

7. Spirited Single Moms are not Alone: Successful single Moms get help from family, friends and the community. Dr. Linda had a Co-Mom, Pamela Smith. They took turns caring for the children. Recently one of the Smith children, Melissa named one of her twin boys, Miles in honor of her "second" Mom. SSM do not allow toxic people into the lives of the children. They choose friends and dates as wisely as they wish their children to do.

Author, Dr. Linda Miles, is deeply committed to helping individuals and couples achieve rewarding relationships. She is an expert with a Doctorate in Counseling Psychology, and has worked in the mental health field for over thirty years. She has been interviewed extensively on radio, TV, and in newspapers and magazines. Find more relationship ideas and relaxation techniques on her web site and in the award-winning book she co-authored, The New Marriage: Transcending the Happily-Ever-After Myth, and numerous CD's, that Train Your Brain. http://www.drlindamiles.com

Contact the Author
Dr. Linda Miles
Personal Relationships
drlinda@drlindamiles.com
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